Jess lanai

Film festivals are complicated affairs because most people work exceptionally hard to get to go to them.

I’ve talked to people that have spent decades making films before they are able to go to a film festival.

This creates a certain type of energy within festivals.

People are there to further their careers and they have a rather laser like focus on furthering their careers. Nothing else matters. And god help you if you waste their time.

Mixed in with all that is a sense of people that have worked very, very hard and are ready to party.

I personally love film festivals for this type of energy the people that attend them bring to it.

There also can be a deep sense of camaraderie among film makers. Because the film industry can be so cutthroat and competitive there is also a softer side to it.

A counter balance where when people meet and develop trust in one another or in a group those people will go to war for each other and fight for each other as fiercely as they’d fight for themselves.

That’s what can be so intoxicating about making films and attending film festivals. The insane cocktail of the expanding ego, the work hard play harder mentality and the war like levels of camaraderie.

I got to enjoy the 2026 Jecheon music and film festival in a way that I’ve never been able to enjoy film festivals.

For a few reasons some that had to do with me personally and some that had to do with the atmosphere of Jecheon itself.

As for the personal reasons, most of the film festivals I’ve gone to I’ve gone to as ‘the porn star’

This put me in quite an interesting angle. For one the sharks left me alone because I had no value to offer them. For two the people with more established careers felt more relaxed around me. If you’re wondering no, not many people hit on me.

A few did slightly but they were easily discouraged and not remotely affected by rejection.

The hardest part about being ‘the porn star’ at film festivals was when it came to other young women that weren’t in film, but wanted to sexy their way into film festivals.

Those bitches wanted to rip me apart.

But for the most part I got to have a lovely time going to parties and films and staying on the outskirts and in my friend circle.

The trouble came when my Abdellatif films actually started to come out.

Then I got the shark treatment.

I personally am very destabilized by a certain kind of attention. I’m quite a sensitive being. I need deep bonds and deep friendships and deep trust.

That is not the kind of attention success in any kind of creative environment brings.

Creative people are starving wolves. Most of them are desperate to make a career out of their artistic passions and artistic passion is rarely of any use to anyone. Thus securing any kind of stable income from it is quite difficult and quite competitive.

When you do get success you are swimming with the sharks and it’s not so fun to have the attention of sharks.

What is very fun is feeling useful in a prestigious environment.

But the useful feeling is hard to balance out. The seesaw usually falls to one side which is either feeling too important or feeling too anxious.

But in Jecheon Korea I found that balanced and got to maintain it at their beautiful film festival.

What was fantastic about Jecheon was the fact that it was a smaller festival. There weren’t as many sharks in the water.

And I was mostly completely unknown among the film makers that attended Jecheon.

So I got the best of both worlds. I got to be invited to a film festival but I got to be totally unknown within the festival.

And it was a very light atmosphere. If the people had sharks in them, those sharks were sleeping. Because it was mostly people just enjoying the fact that they got to go to Korea.

And here’s the thing about film festivals. The talking and drinking with people is very much fun. I love that.

Debating films and discussing it all and hearing people’s stories while being wined and dined is tremendous fun. And it can be worth shifting through the sharks.

Let me make it clear though that I don’t begrudge the sharks. There’s nothing wrong with ambition. Ambition is even respectable in certain ways and areas.

I just don’t want it pointed at me.

The other very odd thing I did in Jecheon was have to do a Q and A on Mektoub all by myself.

I’m terrible at Q and As and I usually hide behind the other actors. But there was no one else there.

I don’t even know what I was talking about when I answered the questions.

I’m not actually all that good at identifying my own emotions and motivations.

It might seem like I am from reading my blog, but part of the reason I love writing so much is because through it I become more aware of what I’m actually feeling and actually wanting.

But on the spot live in person I’m very terrible at it.

One lady in the audience of the Q and A asked me why my character in Mektoub was so concerned about her husband during the hospital scene and what she was feeling.

I answered at the Q and A that she was probably feeling guilty.

But that’s not true.

The truth is there was nothing I imagined my character was feeling.

The emotion displayed in that scene came from the environment. It came from me trying to achieve what Abdellatif Kechiche wanted for the scene.

I’m not some sort of experienced actor so what I’m about to say might be bullshit but my experience of acting was not thinking or planning out a character.

My experience was I have this job to do for my director and my fellow actors. And having enough humility to put away anything unnecessary and stretch outside of my comfort zone to benefit the scene.

My thought process was Abdellatif needs this from me. Andre needs this from me. Salim needs this from me. I’ll do my best to do accomplish those things.

There was no dissecting how to feel or display emotions. I left that up to the director and I let the director direct me. He chose all my feelings and motivations.

That’s the real answer to that question.

I adore independent film and film festivals and film people.

I’d like to attempt to carve out some sort of hobby that allows me to attend film festivals.

But I certainly cannot summon the level of ambition and passion many film makers possess.

It is an obsession for a lot of them.

I personally don’t want something I’m obsessed with to become too much of a career.

I know everyone says ‘follow your passion’ but a passion as a career is not always the most flattering thing. It makes some people lose their sanity. Because there is too much ego in passion.

Too much ego is dangerous to peace and any kind of real fulfillment.