Jess lanai

I’m trying very hard to date.

I’m doing all sorts of things outside my comfort zone.

I’m going on dating apps. I’m trying to flirt with men I find cute out in the wild (that’s still horrifying). I’m paying attention to my physique by focusing on losing weight while still keeping my famed ass.

I’m working on my charm and my charisma and my emotional stability so that I have all those attractive qualities.

And why am I doing all this? What is the point in having a boyfriend? What’s so great about it?

There is one main thing that is truly amazing and wonderful about having a boyfriend or perhaps someday, husband.

And that is the simple but essential thing a man provides me.

He provides me with an opinion that matters.

Most people’s opinions aren’t actually very valuable to me.

My skull is a bit thick. I have trouble caring about people’s opinions unless I care about the people.

Or if I’m forced to care.

If I need an employer to pay me then his opinion on me as an employee is important. I need him to consider me a good employee and like paying me. So I will do things to increase his opinion of me as an employee.

But out in life when I’m doing a bunch of stuff and I have ambitions and wants and needs and maybe I get lost and I need advice or help or just even approval whose approval really actually matters?

The people I admire or am highly attracted to or highly respect.

And there’s no one that gets more respect, admiration or attraction than a boyfriend.

Having this kind of singular focus is incredibly helpful to me.

People wonder why I did so well on Mektoub. Because. Boyfriend.

My antenna wasn’t out in the world trying to get everyone’s approval everywhere.

It was focused on one man.

At the time that man was Salim Kechiouche.

I still cared about the film and enjoyed doing it. But if Salim had quit or gotten fired I’d have quit.

He was my main reason for being there.

And I do have good taste.

Salim was the most sound and experienced mind in that film. He was the most driven to do the film for the most compelling reasons. He had the most sense and the most dedication. And thus, because of his attitude in the film, I did very well in the film.

If I had become infatuated with a different man I might’ve not done so well in Mektoub. Or just straight up had gotten fired.

Liking men is incredibly helpful to me. It gives me someone to go to. A direction.

The right adjustments when I’m lost or confused or just need someone I know I can listen to and take seriously.

Everyone has their reasons for wanting what they want.

Some people just want peace and don’t need what I need in my quest for a relationship. So I’m not here to tell anyone how to do anything.

I’m just sharing what I find valuable in a relationship and why I work so hard to find them to give anyone reading the idea to reflect on what they actually want and are looking for.