Jess lanai

I went through a rebellious phase in my late teens and early twenties where if anyone suggested I should like a guy, that guy was put on my hit list.

He was obliterated from my attraction radar and it would never be possible for me to like him.

Why?

I’m not completely sure. But I think because I could sense the agenda behind it.

When girls push other girls to like a guy, it’s usually to supply for one of the guy friends that they don’t like themselves.

She’s not suggesting him for the girl, she’s just trying to get the guy a girlfriend. Any girlfriend, so she can keep being friends with him.

Another manipulation is the girl likes a guy and is worried about him being interested in another girl. So she’s trying to take the other girl off the market and just pushing her towards any available guy.

Once in a while a girl suggests a guy from a place of real consideration and sincerity. She honestly thinks it’s a good match.

But even in that case I rebelled.

Perhaps because I felt like I was being put in a box. Most people don’t like to be told what to do. Funnily enough as much as rebelled against being bossed around is as much as I bossed other people around.

I’m not sure all women think like this. But I know a portion of them do.

And even the ones that don’t think that way have other odd traps.

So it is very hard for a man to know what is going to get him obliterated from any and all possible consideration.

Just a girl suggesting you to another girl could kill all possibility with that girl.

If I were to try to give you a list of all the other little things that could get you obliterated you might never leave your room.

Or make an attempt at being gay.

Until you realize the inverse is also true.

There are so many little tiny things a man can do that get me hopelessly devoted to him.

Even if he doesn’t deserve it.

It can take almost nothing at all sometimes.

Now that I’m older I’m smarter. I can see past stuff and I can see whether a man deserves my attention or not.

And I can’t be swayed by little things like some girl suggesting a man to me. I don’t need to be rebellious. I’m more secure than that now.

Any man I’m attracted to, really like or really admire I will consider.

But attraction can really just be about triggering the right emotions in the right way.

The same is true for lack of attraction.

This is why men really should get comfortable with rejection. Half the time it’s really nothing to do with you.

It doesn’t always need to be taken personally.

But on the other hand, you should always be doing the very best you can to be an attractive person in general.

Life can get complicated.

The environment can shift right beneath our feet and any advantage we have in life can become our disadvantage.

And vice versa.

There’s no real way to ever get anything right.

I’ve gotten most things wrong. Especially my love life and it’s what I’ve always wanted most.

At the moment I’m giving up on it and trying to achieve stability. See if I can get that right.