Jess lanai

Sometimes I start writing on this and half way through I realize I have no idea what I’m talking about and I have to basically give up and try something else.

That is what I am doing with this post.

My own attraction is something I know something about.

And nothing about.

I don’t fully understand what makes me really attracted to man. But I can gather little clues here and there by paying attention.

One little clue I noticed recently was in the absence of attraction. I was not attracted to a man and decided to further investigate why. See if maybe I was being unreasonable.

But when the conversation got going I figured out pretty quickly that it would never work.

Because I started to argue and nag this guy pretty instantly.

Having to nag a man is very different than arguing with him, feeling irritated by him or having to help him.

With my first boyfriend there were certainly things I was good at that he wasn’t.

And sure now and then we argued.

But I never had to nag him.

We didn’t disagree so completely on what is a respectable quality in a person that I felt I needed to change him in anyway.

I didn’t need to lecture him or tell him what to do. I didn’t have to nag him into being a way he wasn’t.

I liked him just the way he was even if we didn’t perfectly get along all the time.

The only people I’ve ever nagged before were friends I was worried about. Or my mom now and then.

And what I found most interesting is where the nagging happens.

It is always in disagreement on core values.

The things I work very hard on being dismissed and the things the other person worked very hard on being dismissed.

I’m now very careful to never nag anyone because it is essentially talking down to a person and considering them someone too. stupid or lazy to do things on their own.

I don’t think it’s anyway to talk to any human being.

But thinking about it all did make me realize that for attraction to happen there has to be a lot of admiration not just for the person but for how the person operates. Or how the person aspires to operate. The type of people they admire. The things they can’t stand and won’t tolerate.

Agreeing with a person has a lot to do with being attracted to them.

This was another post that I sort of half assed because I’m tired. Weekends are hard.