This is day 19.
I’m trying to get to a 30 day streak of posting on this blog.
I originally started this blog to exercise my anxiety.
Anxiety has to be exercised otherwise it just wanders in a circle acting like it has a purpose.
I had to challenge it and let it show me what its actual point was.
Turned out it did have a point.
Writing under my own name (even just a blog) is scary. Writing about the work I did in porn is extra scary. I have a lot of people in my life that don’t know I did porn.
I don’t imagine they’ll remotely care if they find out. But still. I’m being a bit vulnerable. Publicly.
Anxiety has a point on the dangers of that.
But now that it’s gotten a bit of excercise it is less concerned. The dangers that looked big from far away aren’t as impressive up close.
That or I’ve just started to build up a tolerance.
The 30 day streak goal was a way to help myself get used to posting.
A way to put a little pressure on so I couldn’t overthink or overdo. Things flow better when there isn’t much of agenda or a point to prove.
But now I’ve got to practice actually having a point so I’m giving myself a new challenge after this 30 day streak.
My next challenge will be what I call the how to series.
The how to series is a writing exercise I’ve been wanting to try in which I pick a subject I know nothing about. Study that subject, write about how I’m studying and the processes I’m using to learn, then write a how to guide on that subject.
I’ve done this in journaling before but it’s different when it’s something I have to share with other people.
It creates some accountability and better than that it adds other people’s eyes and thoughts to a thing.
I am half assing this post because I’m trying to get to bed.
My goal for the how to series is to choose a subject or thing I have no knowledge or limited knowledge on.
Do two or more posts on the process of leaning something new, then one how to post.
I’ll do one subject per week and I’ll do four weeks.
It’ll be interesting because I’ll have to study and then attempt to explain. I might be terrible at it, but it is a fantastic exercise.
Concerning feedback.
I really appreciate feedback. Feedback is gold. And the ultimate point of this blog is going to be for me to get feedback on my fiction writing eventually.
My anxiety is still too loud on that but I am feeling more comfortable doing this.
I’d prefer people not to be rude to me. But I do have experience with rudeness and can handle it.
I try to keep this blog at place that doesn’t tempt anyone to be rude. I don’t want that kind of attention. This blog is just a learning tool.
Jess lanai 
4 responses to “Count down”
I have a blog. Full disclosure, the idea to build it was inspired by reading yours—the simplicity, the quiet nature of it.
My dad got extremely sick and I needed an outlet to cope outside of the whambam nature of sm posting.
Ok. So my objective here is not to solicit my blog or trauma flood. It’s to discuss your mentioning feedback.
I don’t get feedback on my blog. But I’ll share it on socials with my followers back home in Texas and they message me. That’s cool. But what I’m most attracted to is basically being offline here. It’s like typing sentences into a dark room and then deciding when I’m ready to shed light on them.
I’ve been out of pocket for pretty much the same amount of time you’ve been on your streak. It’s been like my version of a podcast while I fall back in love with the city I grew up in. I read it stressed, heavily buzzed, lost on the BART, hopeful, dismal.
So here’s my feedback. Keep it up. Not every day, thats insane. But keep sharing the importance it provides to you. That’s what’s most thrilling for me. That’s what sells it to me. Your own quiet awe of the this little creature or exercise being brought to life by you. For us strangers to appreciate.
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This is beautiful feedback. I’m very happy I inspired you to do a blog. I think it’s very therapeutic. Plus I know I might really treasure it decades later when I can look back on it.
I’m very sorry about your dad. It’s brutal. Before my dad I never ever thought about having to deal with losing parents.
Since my dad passed I think about it a lot because I still have my mom and know I will have to go through it again.
I hope you get your dad for longer and he’s not super sick. But even just seeing them sick is painful enough.
I like the way you describe things, I bet your blog is cool. I’d love to check it out
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I think there will be rude people everywhere you look but most of your readers will be supportive. I hope knowing that would put your mind at ease, at least a little.
On your next challenge, one new subject a week is pretty ambitious but it’s just me because I am lazy, hahaha. But whatever project you do, this reader will always be in your corner.
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I do appreciate that, so far no one has been rude. I still get worried about it though.
It’ll be easy subjects. It’s just so I can practice certain fundamental skills. So I’m going to try to keep it very simple.
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