Jess lanai

This one is hard.

Someone on threads suggested it and it’s an interesting subject matter.

It’s interesting to me for two reasons.

Reason number one: even if not all women want to acknowledge it, we do live in a time period where women have the upper hand.

What’s it like having the upper hand? It’s fucking fantastic. I’m sorry but it is.

Men are much more aware. Much more open and much more understanding. Men aren’t so entitled anymore. They’re not going to go off me. They accept rejection.

There is more fear in the work place regarding that sort of thing. Which is fantastic for me. I refuse to ever sleep with anyone at work unless I fall madly in love with them and we’re getting married. So coworkers being afraid to hit on me is fucking wonderful.

I’m fully aware of the privileges I get to enjoy right now and I do bask in them.

But reason number two I find this subject interesting is I also want men to be men.

By that I mean, I want men to have a bit of aggression. A bit of confidence. I want them to do man things. Like chase women. Pursue goals. Have drive and ambition and conquer things.

So while I enjoy my freedom I don’t want men to get squashed in the process.

Can I tell a man how to get a girlfriend?

I don’t know. I’m not an expert on it. I might have some insights so I’ll share those and hope it helps.

Here’s the main thing. Women are different to each other. What we like and don’t like varies. We are just human beings at our core. Complex and individual and doing the best we can in our own situations.

So I do believe the best place for a man to start getting a girlfriend is just by paying attention to what he really likes.

And I’m not talking about the shallow stuff. We all like the shallow stuff when we don’t know what else to like.

It’s just a broad spectrum. When we don’t know what to search for so we go for the most obvious: the things that we think everyone will find attractive so if we get them in a person we’ve won.

The only way to really know what you as an individual human like is to try different things and really pay attention to what gives you motivation.

I’ll use my first boyfriend as an example. One of the main things I really liked about him was that he was very organized, very clean and usually pretty stressed.

He always had a lot he was trying to accomplish. What did I like about that? It gave me a lot of ways to be helpful and free.

My strength is in my ability to be calm and quiet. With him that’s all I had to do. Be calm and quiet support. Do what he asked of me but I didn’t need to overthink it. I got to be of use by being myself.

He was also very extroverted so he dominated conversations which I loved. Because I can get overwhelmed by too much conversation with strangers. I loved the freedom of not having to talk to fucking everyone, I got to let him take over.

And it made me feel free because he was a busy guy. I had lots of time to myself. Because of that when I saw him I was fully present.

These are the things to pay attention to with people. The things that just really help your life.

It helps to know these things.

Do I have any tips for dealing with trying to date women?

I have one tip.

Don’t take them too seriously.

Crazy people are crazy people. Their craziness is their own problem. Don’t get sucked into it.

Yes. Dating is harder for men these days. But it’s just harder. The environment has shifted a bit. It’s not at level impossible. It’s just not on medium hard level anymore.

So cover the basics. The basics are really what get a person anywhere.

Don’t be insane. Be a regular human being. Be in decent shape, that doesn’t mean be a body builder, it means care about your health.

And always take the advantage.

Look as good as is possible for yourself without being obsessed with it.

Don’t stress about it. Just get to a place where you feel good. Because the confidence and ease is what makes a person attractive.

Same goes for money. Make as much as you can in a career you like. One you actually like so you are a happy and pleasant to be around. You do not need to be rich. You just need to be stable.

Live the lifestyle you want to live, there are lots of people that will agree with your lifestyle and like you because of it. So don’t live a way you hate living, turn into a resentful bitch and expect to get women to like you that way.

Be happy. Not happy in the feeling joy all the time. Happy in the feeling fulfilled and feeling confident type way. Working hard and being uncomfortable does bring people a lot of happiness.

Then just try. Go out and try from a place of experimentation. Try out different things. Try different women out if you get the opportunity.

Lots of men these days commit way too quickly and end up with a bitch.