I love plays. I especially love plays that have two intermissions.
I’m going to use this intermission to clarify whatever I feel can be taken out of context.
There’s a massive benefit women have in this time period that men don’t much acknowledge and even stranger, woman don’t much acknowledge.
If a man tries to harass me at work, I don’t have to put up with it. I don’t have to be pleasing or inoffensive.
I can be a bitch and no can do much about it.
I’m not going to lie, I have thoroughly indulged myself in being bitch. And being a bitch is quite fantastic.
I’m sorry. But it is.
Most men might think they understand, they might agree with me and say yes, we know women can be bitches these days without consequences.
But they look at it from that bitter mindset. They feel resentment over it instead of relating to it.
And the thing is most men can fully relate to women on this matter.
If you had an asshole asserting power over you and to keep your job or advance in your career you had to submit to him in the most humiliating way possible you’d enjoy telling that man to shove it too.
But the problem with women is most of the time that’s not what’s happening, they’re just perceiving things that way.
This is hard because I have a duty. I have a duty to women and to ex porn stars and current porn stars. I must not misrepresent them.
Why?
Because I love them and I’ve felt what they have felt and if I were to harm them it would be like harming myself.
But I also have a duty to men. Because I love men. I love men because I need them.
To help men is to help myself. The more damage men take is the more damage women take.
So I have to support men becoming the best they can be and there’s lots of things out there to sabotage them.
Including the overwhelming prevalence of very toxic women.
And the main problem with very toxic women is that they are contagious.
They do spread their way of thinking. Before you feel too much resentment over that remember this:
We all spread our way of thinking.
We can’t help it. Human beings influence each other.
Every action you take or don’t take. Everything you accomplish. Everything you fail. It is a ripple and someone will feel it.
Most girls that have done porn are going to either stay in porn or regret having done porn.
I’ve understood that from the moment I entered porn.
But what I never ever even remotely considered or thought about was the amount of shame men have over consuming porn.
Especially nowadays.
Not only do women call men gross for watching porn, so do other men. Men seem to be as shamed on watching porn as women used to be for being sluts.
But here’s the thing.
Math is math.
It’s concrete. It’s solid. It has a real cause and a real effect.
Women aren’t sluts because they’re bad people. Or because they particularly enjoy it. Some genuinely do, but they are a small percentage. Women like to bond with sex, we don’t like sex just for sex generally speaking. Most women are sluts because they believe it is their best option.
They don’t believe they’ll be able to find a relationship. Or at least, not a relationship they would want to be in.
It’s like having a choice between two poisons. One poison kills you a bit slower, has less physical symptoms and maybe even tastes a little sweet.
I personally don’t have sex outside of men I’m considering to seriously date. So I rarely ever have sex.
But I already did the porn too. I’ve already taken that poison. Now I’m opting to starve a bit in search of real food that won’t slowly damage my internal organs.
Casual sex does damage to most women because we do need to bond with people. We do need the safety and stability. We tend to over give hoping to bond. We usually end up giving our sanity away. Then we feel chaotic and unstable which is very hard for woman to feel. Our instincts don’t tolerate those emotions very well.,
I’m not sure what porn does to men.
Some people say it makes them have unrealistic expectations.
But here’s the thing. I’m not so sure men are flocking to porn because the woman are so attractive.
I think it’s partially because these days they can’t open up to real women.
I think this because Ive had some girlfriends that I can’t imagine having to date. Because I can’t be honest with them on so many basic things without them biting my head off and then I either apologize and stuff all my feelings forever, or I lose their friendship.
I can’t imagine actually having to rely on them sexually. It would be horrible. I don’t feel like I’d ever be able to tell them anything.
That’s why I think that. But I don’t know.
I’m questioning things because I know math is math.
Where there is an effect there was a cause and I think men should be less ashamed of watching porn and more vocal about why.
Because human beings do influence each other. Yes lots of toxic women will go nuts over it, but sometime somewhere there will be a genuinely confused girl listening.
A percentage of women are toxic but most of them started out very sweet. Very open and trying so hard with no result that eventually it just seemed unrealistic or impossible.
To men I would recommend instead of letting the toxic women drown you, switch the entirely of your focus to noticing the ones still trying and be mindful of how you’re influencing them.
Jess lanai 
15 responses to “The second intermission”
Right on.
I too love intermissions. And I’m not kissing your ass ; ) I’m typically so lost during plays that It feels like a mercy-break. Giving me a moment to come up for air, grab a cocktail with the futile hope that I’ll get my shit together and start to put the pieces of what I just watched in order.
I will say without a sliver of a doubt that the reason why many men are ashamed of porn is because it confirms exactly what they’ve been taught not to desire—instinctive, unadulterated, untethered sex.
Porn for men is the magic pill that dissolves the moment. Whether its frustration, loneliness, a sexless marriage, or just ‘old-fashioned’ horniness. It’s a portal to the fantasy world inside our minds that temporarily erases the often coldness felt in our hearts.
And no, looks don’t matter. My bartender that works for me used to do porn. She plays the most bizarre movies during her shifts and pointed out to me how before surgeries etc everyone used to look different, and thats “hot.” I agree with her 100%
Thanks for covering this topic!
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That’s what I wonder about. If it’s like this shame around the actual desires. Like totally normal masculine desires that men feel like they have to lock away in order to have a relationship.
And who knows maybe men do need some privacy with their fantasy lives not saying everyone should share everything with their spouses. But these days seem pretty extreme.
I don’t really know that’s why I appreciate getting the feedback and the time you’re taking to explain things.
Very well put by the way
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I don’t think it’s so much that shame surrounds desire, as it is that men struggle to express their desires.
Men hate to come up short. So admitting that you’re using porn is the same as saying there’s something wrong or missing in your life. That things are lacking or insufficient. So they hide it. And with that comes the shame.
Men do need privacy. Porn can certainly act as a surrogate for unfulfilled fantasies. But again, it exposes there being something missing in real life—making men feel vulnerable, which they hate.
And That, is like an autobahn to shame.
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Hmm, I’ve never thought of it that way. I know some women see porn like that. That if a guy watches it there’s something missing.
But maybe because I’ve actually done porn I see it as just like, nonsense.
It’s like watching a tv show to me. Or playing a video game.
Or watching anime.
It’s just rural entertaining nonsense that can be fun but has nothing to do with real life
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Guys are sometimes (1) lazy, (2) afraid of failure/rejection, or (3) ashamed of sharing their real selves. Porn is low/no effort and never rejects.
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I don’t really know. I guess I just don’t fully understand what’s going on right now. But when I was in porn my understanding was that it was shameful for women to do porn but men watching it was no big deal. Now it seems to be opposite. Having done porn not a big deal for men or women. But if a man watches porn it’s shameful. It’s strange logic.
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I don’t know either but in my circle of friends, only one has ever admitted that he watches porn; all other guys would change the subject if the topic ever came up in conversation, in group or one on one. My feeling is people are more free about admitting that they watch porn, guys and girls. but this is all anecdotal in my world.
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See I see the changing of the subject a lot but not among the younger people. They really don’t care at all. But I’m also not super used to talking about it with people that weren’t involved with porn.
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Right. The younger people are much more free to admit they consume porn but I think there is still a latent feeling of taboo about being in porn so I agree with your reticence about discussing it with non-porn people. I an sure we agree that people in porn are people too (they may be a bit more adventurous) but unfortunately not everyone shares that idea, even the younger crowd.
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People in porn are people too but I’m not actually sure yet if doing porn should be so accepted. It’s great for me obviously. I’m mostly worried it’s not good for young girls.
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That is a very tough question to think about. I mean if my daughter came and told me she is doing porn, I honestly don’t know how I would react. But I have always been a pretty permissive parent so I imagine I would be able to accept it if I understand why she decides to do it.
But generically speaking, if I enjoy porn but I cannot accept someone who is in the business then I think I am a self-loathing hypocrite. Why? Because if porn is so bad, why do I like it so much that I watch it again and again? Why would I like a bad thing? A rational person would stop doing things that he detests.
There may be bad elements in the business but that’s to be expected in people. Most people are good but there are always bad people distributed throughout society.
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If I had a daughter or even a son that wanted to do porn I would not be supportive. I would fight it by any means necessary but that’s just because I know it can be very dangerous. There’s lots of other careers I would fight too.
But it’s nice that you could accept it with your daughter. My dad was very upset by it but he wasn’t going to lose his family over it and I had already quit, that was his main thing. He was more worried about me than he was his own anger.
As far as watching porn and accepting people who do it, I think men have to be careful with themselves on it.
It’s hard to explain because there are ways women need to be careful with ourselves. Just certain parts of our nature that we really cannot control so we just can’t aggravate those parts or we are asking for trouble.
Porn might be like that for men. I don’t even know how to explain what I’m trying to say yet. I’m just not sure men can control that they like porn and I also don’t think they can control that they can’t fully accept women who do it either.
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I agree with you that doing porn is very dangerous and don’t get me wrong; I would only accept it if my daughter wanted to do porn if I understand her reason. I don’t have to support that decision. Of course, I will always love her because she is my daughter; that will never change.
I’ve been under the weather for a few days and you have been posting so many new articles that I am having a hard time keep up! But I love to read your writing. Keep it coming!
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I appreciate your attitude because I do feel like a lot of people would have their ego in their way and would make it about them. I like that you’d try to look at it from her perspective.
My dad was like that too. He wouldn’t make it about himself he’d make it about me.
My doing porn had nothing to do with my parents. It had nothing to do with anything. It just showed up while I was susceptible to it and I just had that impulsive personality type so I went for it.
Thank you very much for the encouragement. It’s very helpful
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I meant nowadays, people are more free to admit that they watch porn.
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