Jess lanai

Some things I have to write about a hundred times before I even know what it is I’m talking about.

I’ll think I know what I’m talking about until I’ve put the effort in and find out I’m completely lost.

Sometimes I’ll know exactly what I’m talking about but translating it into words that can be read and understood takes time and effort.

That is the first type of effort.

Creativity is its own kind of effort.

It expends a lot of energy. It can take experimentation, frustration and energy that could have been spent elsewhere.

But people are creative. We need to build, experiment and create things.

In my opinion men especially need creative pursuits. (That thought will need its own post.)

Because men have so much raw energy and raw emotion to work through.

So if a man is going to break himself down he needs to do it for his own cause rather than someone else’s.

And creative pursuits whether it’s in sports, in art, in science or engineering or whatever else you can think of, are an effort we put into developing ourselves.

To develop myself means I’ve chosen something that I care to be good at. It gives me some self generated worth. It gives me a life style. It gives me a bit of an identity even.

Developing a skill and pouring hours and energy into it is gives us a lot of confidence and integrity and therefore energy back.

When my Mektoub film came out there were a lot of disappointed actors that put a lot of effort into a lot of scenes and most of their scenes didn’t make the final cut.

I on the other hand had every single one of the scenes I filmed in the final cut of the film and yet, from my own perspective, I expended very little effort doing that film.

Because it was purely a creative effort. It was self replenishing.

If that film came out and I was not in a single scene, would I have been disappointed?

Yes and no. Because the thing about creative effort is you don’t really know how it will turn out.

It is experimental. I could have looked like a total buffoon and if I did, I would have preferred to not be in the film.

Writing is a similar gamble. I’m really not ever sure how it will really turn out.

Which is the reason for this blog. It’s a way to practice so I’m a bit less blind to how I really come across.

I do have some pride to risk with writing. I don’t want to be a buffoon.

With Mektoub I cared less if I came out looking like a buffoon.

Because I’d already gotten what I wanted from doing that film so I wasn’t losing anything if it ended up in total buffoonery.

I’d had fun doing the film. What people thought about it wasn’t super important.

The effort I put into that film was a creative effort. Creative effort is very patient. It doesn’t mind experimenting.

Plus. Acting wasn’t my career. So unlike the real actors in the film, I had nothing on the line.

I didn’t have to put any other kind of effort into it.

The terrible thing about is that I really will have to write hundreds about one thing to get one thing right about that thing.

Not always. But some things are only learned through a massive amount of mistakes.