Writing is hard. I can think I have an actual point but when I start writing I just find all the places where I don’t know what I’m talking about.
So I end up having to condense everything, make it much simpler and shorter than the plan I had in my head.
But that is what I like about writing it does sort of narrow down the abstract. It finds the real information.
Boundaries are a similar conundrum. I’ll think I know what I can’t handle until I do it and then it’s something surprising and small that breaks me.
I think it’s pretty common for most people to project their boundaries. Run a scenario through their head and predict what they won’t be able to put up with.
Lots of people do that in dating right now. I’ve been bad about trying to date myself but I hear it from a lot of my friends.
They have a lot of standards (boundaries) it super reminds me of the type of employee I used to be.
As an employee I’ve always worked very, very hard. I was (still am but I’m better) a bitch. But I would do ten times the amount of work required of me.
I was doing it at the time to make up for being a bitch. I didn’t know that consciously but what I was really trying to communicate was, ‘I know I’m a super bitch but I work hard so you can’t fire me’ (Most of them fired me.)
Why was I such a bitch? Because I had a very deep disdain for small talk. Because I didn’t want to put the effort into being fake to people I didn’t like. Because my temper had a trigger the width of a hair.
Because I was very lonely. I didn’t want anyone taking what little emotional energy I had.
Small talk with people I didn’t even like was depressing.
Being fake to people was depressing.
Having to control my temper (one thing I have learned about my temper is part of the reason it’s so bad is because I’m efficient. So inefficient people really piss me off) was depressing.
I was trying to protect my own morale.
That’s the boundary.
I think human beings are pretty damn tough. I do think we can put up with anything if we have no choice. But we can do so enthusiastically if we know it’ll get us what we want.
I could be fake as shit if I knew the reward was having to talk less to people I don’t like. (Turns out that is the reward. So now I’m fake when I need to be)
What I don’t like about the ‘high standards’ thing is it makes people less willing to experiment with their boundaries.
I personally have to experiment. Because it’s not about what I won’t do and won’t tolerate, it’s about keeping my morale high.
Like high hope, high energy, high motivation and high gratitude. So I start to look at the things that damage my energy or my hope or my motivation.
Even if it’s my own goals. My own thoughts. Or my own way of doing things.
Jess lanai 